food poisoning...

i guess it´s bound to hit when moving to any foreign country, but prior to wednesday i had been spared. the day started out with a "taller" on malnutrition. we were training community members on how to weigh and measure children under the age of two using an infantometro.

reading the scales proved to be understandably difficult for many of the participants, many of whom are iliterate or have a basic reading level. i worked with a woman named aurelia. she struggled with the scales, but i think she got it in the end (keeping my fingers crossed).

for lunch we headed to comedor rosalinda, and i got the caldo served with tomatillos. caldo basically is soup with a watery broth, usually cooked with meat and veggies (i gotta just remove the meat... it´s not always easy being a vegetarian in guatemala).

felt a little funny afterward, but my reaction did not start until later that night. if you´ve ever had food poisoning you understand. basically i spent about twentyfour hours over the toilet wanting to die. i felt pathetic and alone. i called up my mom just for sympathy points. i basically just needed someone else to feel sorry for me so that i wasn´t only feeling sorry for myself.

i´ll spare you all of the graphic details of the sickness. more difficult was just struggling with being sick, and not having anyone to take care of me. this is all part of the experience here. many volunteers told us prior to swearing in that dealing with the solitude and loneliness is the most difficult part. i have been in site so short that i havent yet developed a system of support that i can go to when i am struggling (or pissing out of my ass).

luckily i have a pretty awesome sitemate and she brought me some pan frances. i curled up on my mattress on the floor and slept it off best that i could.

too tall to play...

my friend dan, another PCV, sent me a text the other night asking if i would like to play in our towns basketball tournament. at first visions ran through my mind of my embarrassing performances on the basketball as a (very) uncoordinated adolescent. still, i thought, this may be a good opportunity to meet some new people.

i showed up at the court tuesday afternoon promptly at 3:30 ready to play. the other women showed up one by one. i approached the guy who appeared to be in charge and asked if i could be possibly placed on a team. he kinda mumbled something under his breath and told me to wait a few. i took a seat in the cement bleachers and watched the women gather and put on their uniforms. a few minuntes later someone came over to break me the bad news... i am too tall to play basketball, and i{m not on the list.

prior to this i saw my height being the only advantage i actually have on the court. apart from that i am an unaggressive, uncoordinated mess, still not completely sure what to do with my own limbs at times. ive gotten used to towering above pretty much every "chapin" (guatemalan) i meet and most of the time i just forget about my height.

i would have been sad about the news, but more than anything i just thought it was funny.... (hopefully theyll find a space for me on a team next season:-)

gracias...

yesterday was turkey day. i think the perception is that holidays are a really hard time to be away from home. so to try and avoid feeling sorry for myself i always opt to spend holidays away from home in a very unconventional way. this thanksgiving was no exception. myself along with twenty other recently sworn in volunteers got to share our pumpkin pie at the US ambassador´s house with him and his wife. they were very welcoming and the food was a nice treat. it was for sure a very (very) surreal day.

it started at about 2:00am. i woke up in my new place laying on a mattress on the floor (havent gotten hold of an actual bed yet...). i dragged myself to the busstop bleary eyed with my backpack in tote and a rock in my hand to ward off late night bolos (drunks) and chuchos (street dogs). i boarded the chicken bus (think of the big yellow things you used to ride to elementary school) and i was on my way. bus rides are full fledged sensory overload. despite it being the middle of the night the driver blared ranchero, probably trying to stay awake more than anything else. people are packkkkkkkked in. at one time there was five people in my seat, 3 adults and 2 children. not the most comfortable ride, but who can complain when you can do a 7 hour ride for 30 quetzales (about 4 dollars). i showed up at cuerpo de paz in a bit of a stupor and soon realized that i had forgotten to bring shoes. i had to wear green crocs to the ambassadors house... sorry mom.

we got there and it was beautiful. me and the other agriculture volunteers spent a good portion of our time scoping out the gardens which were amazingly gorgeous. we got to sip some fine wine, eat some traditional turkey and stuffing (at least the nonvegetarians - no they did not serve tofurkey), and swim in a heated pool. the highlight for sure was the pumpkin cheesecake. a nice change to have some comfort food from the states although ive developed a soft spot for pepian here.

paradox...

well the paradox here is pretty obvious. this is why i could never work for the state department. i understand the necessity of having this seperation between foreign service workers and the people (minus the really rich/powerful people typically) in country... i guess. the high walls, big gates and security guards. they´re all business, official, suit and tie, and their purpose in country is to promote the interests of the united states government. someones gotta do it. i´m just glad it´s not me in the tie.

to go from a congested bus in the poorest town in all of guatemala to a plush home in guate was a jolting experience. so much in this country, everything in this world is riddled with these paradoxes. thanksgiving was just a magnified, REALLY magnified, example of this.

it was a beautiful day.

both the bus ride at 2:00 am and the afternoon at the ambassadors house.

poco a poco...

so i started work last week as a full fledged volunteer (wooooohoooo!). let me be straight up... it was awesome, but it was hard as starting any new job is. it just happens that this new job is a little more intense, because of language barriers (havent quite mastered MAM yet), cultural differences ...and basically because i am not a guatemalan.

the organization i´m working for has been really successful from what ive seen at striking a good balance between serving the local community and serving the wants of international donating agencies. this typically means they´ve done a good job at doing studies of progress, and maintaining a certain level of transparency, a pretty spectacular feat in a country inundated with corruption

day 1 - i went to a workshop on gender. the organization has about 500 female members and only about 100 men. i personally see this as a huge plus, but they are trying to examine how to get men more involved. most men here wouldn´t be too enthused about getting involved in weaving projects here to say the least. finding ways to diversify projects so that men too could become involved was the basic focus of the day.

one of the great things about our organization has been its work with women. its a very empowering thing to see the work they are doing. the womens groups allow them to occupy the leadership roles they are typically denied in national and local politics.

day 2 - i built a house for potatoes. its an agriculture project a group of women is doing. the husbands tackled the labor while women did smaller tasks (carrying wood...). i contemplated taking up a hammer, but it was my first day and it was cool just to hang out with the women. they all spoke in MAM and when i first arrived i didnt even know if they spoke spanish. turns out they do! at least the younger women do. i got a lot of questions about the states (will you teach me english? how much does it cost to go to the states? how many dollars did your shoes cost?) which i tried...TRIED to artfully dodge with some degree of success. besides that, we spent a lot of time talking about family and boyfriends/esposos, and the projects they´ve been doing.

i felt shy and intimitated being the new woman, but it was a good day.

day 3 - workshop with coworkers on food security (hey! that´s my job here!). the secretary of "seguridad alimentaria" gave the talk and also some pretty disturbing stats about malnutrition in guatemala and our department. i´ll make sure to post them some time soon...

things are good, but it is for sure a process finding my place here... poco a poco.

i hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving stateside. much love.

p.s. i saw a pretty amazing movie narrated by rigoberta menchu about guatemala called "when the mountains tremble". definetely try and see it if you can get a hold of a copy.

chin gólben tey

after much anticipation i got to visit my site last week. my counterpart from the orranization i will be working with came to the peace corps training center for a little orientation session and then we were on our way. i am lucky it is beautiful. temperate climate, pine trees, and mountains.

talking to volunteers it typically seems that both their counterparts and the organizations they work for vary greatly in size and organization. some are working for multimillion dollar international NGO´s while others work for small community based organizations. i am relieved that my organization is locally centered and employs people from the community that speak the language (...apart from myself). even though they are relatively small they still appear very well organized and that they have a lot of passion for the work they do in the field of development.

it also seems like anything i´m interested in doing they would be down with. nutrition, appropriate technology, family gardens, education projects, reforestation... as long as it seems like a healthy step in the right direction they seemed enthused.

i also found a new home (my first own place...sorta). i was lucky to find something really easily. i will be moving into the home of a peace vorps volunteer who is finishing her service right now. pictures will be incoming... as long as i have space for a garden, i´m happy.

i swear to...

the big day arrived. yesterday we got dressed up in all our finery, went to the home of the us ambassador and officially became peace corps volunteers. i think ive been anticipating becoming a volunteer since high school or before. its very crazy to be here now. surreal at times.

all of us got to bring members of our host families and that was really great to share the day with them. i think living with them has been the best part of my service so far. i am overwhelmed by their warmth, kindness, and quick wit. the night before the ceremony they surprised me with the traditional apron that the women in their community wear. i was so excited and proud to wear it.

ladrones...!

yesterday turned out to be a not so bueno day. me and jose hiked to our little garden with our host brother Frenel. the game plan was to transplant some brocolli and harvest some big juicy rabanos (radishes).

we walked down the small hill approaching our garden and...... devestation. all of our radishes were gone. and it wasn't because some chicken or insect chomped down on them. someone or (somebodies) stole them. i think having something stolen is one of the worst feelings in the world. even if the something stolen has little or no value (i.e. rabanos) it is just the feeling of being in some way violated.

what strikes me more however is how sad it is that somebody would actually steal vegetables either for their own consumption or to sell at market. My host grandmother said that this is actually a fairly common occurence. my little host brother said he would start guarding our garden for us. definetely appreciate the sentiment, but he's nine and his best weapon is a rock he sometimes totes around. it's a really big rock, though:-)

asi es la vida.

the rest of the day went fine. we transplanted, and i helped dona marta shuck some black beans (we've shifted from shucking green beans to black beans).

officially in my mid twenties...

i ate carrot cake so i guess that makes it official. i`m 25 years old. Jose (i.e. joseph), another volunteer living in our house, got me a tasty carrot cake from Doña Luisas, i got a lot of cards written to "tia kelly", and of course me and sara danced goofily and we played mandolin. could not think of any better way to spend a birthday in guatemala, and i think the kids had fun, too.

my mom asked me if there was anything specific that i wanted her to send me for my birthday. green tea and chocolate.... and underwear (the pila - a stone basin used to wash dishes and clothing - does quite a number to a pair of delicate draws). more than anythinig i wanted her to send me things i could share with the kids like crayons and coloring books.

i received packages from my parents and aunt maureen and mac, along with several cards (thank you very much!). i now have a lifetime supply of tea, organic chocolate, and i smell fabulous thanks to some very lovely scented shampoo. unfortunately this isnt doing much to deter my fleas...

pulgas...

pulgas is spanish for fleas. i know that many people would not want to readily admit they have this issue, but i have no shame. just a lot of bites. i never had an issue until i returned home from an excursion we took in the oriente and from there the problem has escalated. i rarely actually see my little friends, but my bites are a clear testament to their existence. i have considered telling my family about the issue, but i have a feeling they may just soak my bed in okko, an insecticide. with two weeks left i choose to itch instead. it honestly is not that bad.

another reason why i may be slightly more inclined to turn down the insecticide dousing is because im reading Silent Spring by Rachel Carson. I have skimmed it many times in the past while doing reports on ecofeminism, the study of the relationship that exists between women and the environment. first published in the year 1962, the book examines our excessive use of chemicals to deter supposed pests, and how these substances in turn affect our environment and ourselves. Although the book was published over 40 years ago the message is very relevant to issues we are facing today... could it be that we are poising ourselves, making ourselves sick? she writes fearlessly and i admire that. her message is clear.

so i choose pulgas instead.

your site is guatemala...

presently i am a trainee. the best i can describe it as is a semester study abroad. you learn a lot, live with a host family, try your best not to speak english with other volunteers, and hope that you leave feeling slightly more competent than when you arrived. so far i have been in training with about 30 other people from across the US (plus one ) bodiqua. all of this has been building up to our actual site placements. this is the moment when we all find out where we will be living for the next two years of our lives.

naturally the build up to this day was a little stressful.

we were told where the sites for our group (food security) were located, and then each given an individual interview where we could express our hopes for our service, and what, if any, preferences we had concerning a site. some peoples requests read like a lengthy shopping list: cool but not cold, in the mountains, indigenous, but spanish speaking, small, rural, with womens groups, not working with schools.... etc. as much as i understand the desire to express wants it started to edge on slightly ridiculous so i tried to keep mine short and sweet.

i want to go somewhere where i can learn, somewhere rural, and somewhere where there is a need.

our associate peace corps director came to our individual towns to tell us our placements. leading up to this there has been near obsession among trainees trying to guess as to where everyone is going. i tried to not think about it and tried to keep an open mind.

salvador, our APCD (associate peace corps director) came by with the envelopes. myself and the other three soon to be volunteers from my site eagerly waited as he handed out a manilla folder with the name of our new home printed on the front.

i`m not suppose to write any specific information about sites (supposed security reasons - george won`t let me). i can give you a general idea about where i am headed.

the population is 99.5% indigenous. they speak a langauge called mam. its in the mountains with a cooler climate (pack a sweater if you come to visit!), isolated, rural, supposedly beautiful, hit hard by poverty and alcoholism, and with its own handshake.

a female volunteer currently serving there had approached all of the females in my group prior to when we learned our sites. she said that it is beautiful, but it is a hard site. a place with a lot of need, and a lot of social issues that make progress an upward climb at times. it is the poorest town in the entire country.

asi, asi...

i have been inundated with many feelings now knowing my site. im excited, apprehensive, sad to be saying goodbye to my current host family... more than anything i feel blessed.

guatemala is an amazing place. everyday it teaches me something new and becomes that much more intricately beautiful. it is multilayered. having been given the opportunity to experience it is something that i feel exceptionally grateful for. i truly have the best job in the world, although at times it proves imensely frustrating and intimidating.

i try as best as i can to avoid romanticizing the history or poverty of this country. i think when one does this it in effect diminishes the profundity of a place, and is dismissive. living simply does not not necessarily equate to happiness. nor does living a life in the states with all of the modern amenities mean one is content either.

i am happy that i am going somewhere where i can hopefully eventually feel to some extent slightly useful...

i am trying to be realistic as well.

barrilettes...

the typcial halloween debautury that takes place in the states doesnt really happen here. instead people celebrate the day of the dead and all souls day. people here go to the graves of their loved ones, paint their tombs, decorate with flowers, say prayers, and often bring the favorite food of the deceased to "share" with them. the traditional food here is fiambre which is a giant very expensive mishmash of pickeled vegetalbes, and meat. people also eat soup of ayote, a big green pumpkin. riquisimo (delicious!)

people here also fly barrilettes, or kites, as a way of communicating with ansestors. it`s a really beautiful sight to see all of the kids running around flying their kites with big smiles spread across the faces. the activity in the afternoon becomes dislodging kites from powerlines where most have become stuck. Sara, my host sister Luced, and myself hiked up a bit of a mountain to the soccer field to fly kites. unfortunately there was men playing soccers so we had to return promptly (my host mama would not have approved of me hanging out at the soccer field where there are men. she likes to look out for me and shes a conservative woman). Nevertheless, i got to see an incredible view of the volcanoes, and got a little excercise in.

The following is a conversation that took place between myself and Millie, my five year old host sister and quite possibly my favorite person in the world.

millie - today is the day of the dead, did you know that?

me - yes i did, millie. do you know what happens today?

millie - i think all of the dead people are gonna come to our town.

me - really! wow, i did not know that. do you know what they`re going to do here.

millie - i think they`re going to walk down the street in front of our house!

me - really? like a parade?

millie - yes like a parade!

we later looked for the parade of dead people, but sadly(?) did not find any. Millie said it may because they are invisible and i agreed. maybe next year she will be able to find some.

quarter century...

tomorrow i will be twentyfive years old. this will be the first of three birthdays celebrated in guatemala (a pretty crazy thought). i am definetely learning that age is a relative thing.

earlier this month we celebrated the birthday of Jose (i.e. Joseph), a fellow volunteer who i live with. it was pretty amazing to see how excited the kids were to throw him a surprise party. we made cards, blew up balloons, and i got a cake with a picture of spiderman on the box (el hombre arena, a pretty big deal in our household). Jose played the mandolin while me and Sara, another volunteer who lives across the street danced around like the goofy ¨gringas¨that we are. Doña Aura made some chocolaté that was pretty special and a good time was had by all.

sort of a big deal...

the material wealth here, there is just no comparison to the massive amounts of stuff we have in the states. objectively all of us as volunteers know that this great disparity exists between our new home and the country we have come from. still, it does not mean that we are able to truly internalize how deep the differences run.

what do you get excited about?

it was nice to see the kids get truly beyond excited about celebrating Jose´s birthday. it is nice that they are asking me about what we´re going to do tomorrow for my birthday. there is a certain amount of anticipation for little things here, because the little things are the big things, i guess.

last week...

last week they sent all of agricultural production out on a field trip. we visited a volunteer living in the oriente, aka, the wild west of Guatemala. we spent time hanging out with families there, and visiting farms.

it is amazing when we meet agricoltores who are taking risks in their work, and employing organic techniques. one man had been splicing together different varieties of avocado trees. he took the roots from the native version and spliced it with haas avocados which bare more fruit. he was a self taught farmer who was finding really innovative ways to better his farm.

he told us that within the next five years his goal was to have a pickup truck... that he would use his two hands to dig it out of the soil. it was definetely a really great analogy for how people achieve a liveable existence here. they dig it out of the soil little by little through hard work.

té...

i´ve always really enjoyed tea back home. every morning i would have a pot of green tea with breakfast. what is also pretty amazing is that i never really knew about the process involved in tea production. this past week we also went to visit a tea cooperative located in cobán. it was more of a community involved and the running both of the business and the town we´re done collectively.

tea plants it turns out grow in small bushes which are harvested about four times every year. learning about where food comes from has been definetely one of the rewarding parts about being here.

things are going well and i am excited to celebrate my birthday with my host family. although it will not be the typical experience of hanging out with friends and family back home, this is also part of what makes it special. it is also what has helped me realize how important it will be for me to develop strong relationships here with people. everyday i feel really blessed.

one month...

i have been in Guatemala for exactly one month today. it feels as though it has been longer. not because of the more usually anticipated reasons (ohmygodwhathaveigottenmyselfinto kinda reasons). more so because so much has happened in so little time.

there is a (mis)conception among some that Peace Corps is a "cuerpo de paseo" - a time for young adults to spend time finding themselves (whatever that means). peace corps has happily been anything but a leisure ride so far. and some of us may find ourselves, but i think it will be more through being humbled by this incredible corner of the earth.

perspective...

i usually am not a big fan of flying. i tried to understand the momentousness of flying over guatemala, in essence my new home for the next two years. i sat by a window seat choking back a couple of stale peanuts and intermittently taking glances at spiderman 2, our inflight flick. below us was a carpet of green jungle with small dottings of houses adorning the landscape. i´ve already learned that contradictions are abound in Guatemala.

how strange, i thought that soon i will be part of that landscape. it was and continues to be too much to wrap my brain around.

a traveler...

this is not my first time to Guatemala. during university i took a year off from school and went wondering around central america exploring all the beauty. i know that this new experience will be radically different. as a traveler i always had the option of picking up and leaving a place if i wanted a change of scenery, or just simply wasnt enjoying things for whatever reason. now i have committed two years of my life to living in a small corner of an even smaller corner of the world. the ability to leave a place as a backpacker i always saw as a great asset and a good compliment to my more independent nature. still, i think i ahve never known a place i have traveled to in any profound manner.

two years...

"does it freak you out that you´ll be gone for 2-plus years?". yes it does. the last five or six years things have been in constant flux and upheaval. I take things a day at a time here and i´m sure sometimes i will take them at a moment at a time. i try not to ask myself if i will be able to make it for two years here but rather "am i doimg okay today?" and so far my response has been a resounding "yes!". not only am i okay, i am enthralled, fascinated, and enjoying all of the beauty marks Guatemala reveals to me everyday.

nitty gritty...

right now i am a volunteer with the agricultural food security program. our central focus will be to encourage local community members in our sites to create vegetable gardens for their own consumption. we will also be working with livestock, primarily chickens. Access to a healthy diet complimented by a variety of fruits and veggies is sometimes lacking in the local diet, especially in more rural areas of the "campo".

despite the fact that many living in the campo work in agriculture many chose to sell the small quantities of produce they cultivate, because they believe this to be more profitable. even if they are harvesting nutrient rich foods they are often bringing these to markets for sale, or working for a larger farm in which case products are shipped to the united states. in many cases the diet consists of "whites" - pan (bread), tortillas, black beans, and quisguil, a wild growing squash with a nutritional value on par with a potatoe (hello carbs). not so bueno.

the coffee conundrum...

the complexities and paradoxes inherent in local agriculture can be understood more readily by looking at the coffee conundrum. with its mountainous landscape and rich soil much of the country is optimal for coffee (liquid crack for you starbuckians). still, if you go visit the typical home in a coffee producing region there is a pretty good chance that you will be served a steaming cup of nescafe instanteo (i.e. instant coffee).

like coffee many of the locally produced goods here in country are more likely to turn up in your local produce aisle or your paper starbucks cup (made of 100% post consumer recycled materials).

despite the fact that the country is teeming with resources most of the population here (i mean like pretty much everyone...) is not reaping the rewards. this is the basis for much of the work we will be doing as volunteers. the idea is that families and communities will start vegetable gardens that they will use for their own consumption to nourish their families. there are very few things basic to human survival and flourishment and one of those is a healthy diet.

"small is beautiful"...

i really like the peace corps approach to agriculture. we are not throwing a bunch of money at a problem. in fact we´re not throwing any money at it (save the living allowance allotted to volunteers). the thought is that if people are made responsible to contributetheir own funds into a project they will be personally invested in its success creating a culture of sustainability.

we are not trying to bring high tech machinery or techniques to people here. we are sticking to the basics and serious amounts of morale - "!si, se puede!". the theory is education in basic gardening and help in fine tuning some of the gardening techniques. maybe they´ve never grown beets before, so maybe we start growing it with families in the area, and maybe we provide a couple of cooking classes so they know how to make a quality beet salad.

this is not to say that the work here will be easy or that the results will be in any way small. at this point i am slightly petrified. intellectually i understand the assignment, but the "how" still looms large in my mind.

mi casa es su casa (or something like that)...

for the first three months as trainees all of us have been given a host family and community. each town has about four volunteers and then all of the volunteers get together once a week for group sessions on medical (i.e. shots and shittting), safety, and culture.

for now i am living in a small community with three other volunteers. doña marta is my new mama and takes good care of me. she is for sure the matron of the family and there is always a plethora of family members passing in and out throughout the course of the day.

the family is nothing short of amazing. doña aura and marta make tortillas two times every day and sell them. the family has chickens (44 now with our new chickies), rabbits, geese, parakeets, doves, and one parrot with its tail burnt off. i have much to learn and they are my new professors. twice a week we get large shipments of peas that we shuck and sell in the market in antigua. ive earned the nickname "la maquina" (the machine) for my speedy pea shucking skills.
i love my family because they now how to sit and enjoy the passing of moments. life drips down slow and sweet like honey here. they like to laugh often at my expense and luckily i take it well silly gringa that i am.

my new best friend is the five year-old granddaughter of doña marta. millie is an expert on flowers and we hang out playing ocho loco, coloring, and having dance parties. Luced, another granddaughter helps out in the garden, and Lucia the oldest i consider to be my cultural informant. although she is only fourteen i often feel she is my peer. she has an amazing sense of maturity which i have found to be uncommon here. i probably have more in common with her than many twenty four-year-old women living in the community. i am not married and do not have children. understandably, i am at times a bit of a conundrum for people here.

hello my name is kelly...

as united state-ians (because here we are all americans) we tend to fiercely defend our personal independence. we see it as the reasons for our successes and our failures as the result of being too dependent on others. here it is more common for people to see themselves as a member of a family and a community. people do not introduce themself as "hello, my name is Marcos". rather it is "hello my name is Marcos Zamora-Acula of San Marcos". people recognize the family lineage both on their mother and fathers side as well as their home town.

for now i am enjoying just becoming acquainted with my new home. it is immensely welcoming and everyday i feel blessed. everyday my emotions run a spectrum from pure elation, to missing friends, family, and waves back home, to stress over an unknown site assignment. i take most of it in stride and try to inhale as much of the newness as i can. i am lucky to have a great support network back home. please feel free to post updates from back home or questions on this blog.