grandma pat´s apple pie with moon and stars motife... sometimes i get bored.

treating ourselves to a fancy dinner in santa craz el lago

we like hats.

central park, antigua

Patrick comes to Guatemala...

this last month i got to have my first visitor to my site. my boyfriend, patrick, made the long trek from little rhodie to hang out in guatemala for a couple of weeks. so much fun to see him after over half a year! it was also just nice to be with someone who knows me and whom i'm so comfortable with.

volunteers often talk about the duality of personality that often comes with living in a community so culturally far removed from the states. although in time i have begun to feel more comfortable in my town, cultural taboos sometimes prevent me from just being the me i'm used to back home - to let my hair down so to speak. part of this is just part of being culturally sensitive, but having to constantly consider the appropriateness of words and actions in a new context can sometimes be plain exghausing.

this is not to say there is nothing to talk about. people like to joke around and talk about every day things like anywhere in the world. the human struggle that comes from personal relationships is pretty much the same here as back home.

also, sometimes the struggles here have this feeling of legitemacy that doesn't really seem to transfer to the united states: "Estamos luchando..." - we are fighting. we are struggling just to make it. back home supposed stresses seem imagined and insignificant in comparison... deciding to paint the living room egg shell or off white... an expensive cell phone bill.... not being able to afford the latest clothes/technical gadget. compared to.... my baby just died of malnutrition. still, i understand that all stress is relative to the reality we face on a daily basis. we all face hardships in that buddhist-life-is-suffering kinda way, right?

so back to Patrick. i was very excited to see him. it was great to get a taste of back home here in this corner of the world. we checked out the chaos of market day in my site, pulled weeds at "la granja", watched sunset out at the lake, and witnessed some of the processions and flower carpets in Antigua during Semana Santa (Holy Week). more than anything we just hung out in my site, cooked a lot, and played with my puppy.

it is hard being far away from one another, but i think it is worth it....

next time patrick will hopefully be spared some of the side affects of street food although those papas fritas with the pica mas can be pretty hard to resist:-)

spending an afternoon at "la granja"

i don't know.

those crazily fun dentists with the ladies of taltimiche

semana santa in my home town

rough week...

i have one sick puppy. no, really she is actually very sick. the last couple of weeks have been hard. not the kind of hard where i have been able to find some sort of ideal peace corps "the moral of the story/lesson learned is"...

i'm sick. one week with fever, not wanting to leave bed, hacking up some lovely liquids kinda sick. it isn't the type of situation where i was feeling like hopping on a camioneta and taking the bumpy three and a half hour bus ride to see a doctor. i figured i would just sweat it out.

but....

my dog, amalia, was sick, too. she's still a little babe and she was shitting blood and vomiting, a possibly deadly combo for a puppy. i would have brought her to the vet, but it was semana santa meaning that the whole country, including vets offices, were shut down. by the time i got her to the doctor both her and myself were in rough shape. the supposedly experienced doctor gave her a couple of shots and we were on our way.

as we left she was having difficuly walking with her right leg, but i figured she was still pretty sore from the injections. it's been two weeks since we went to the vet and she still cannot walk. i feel like a bad mother or something. it's just sad to see her hobbling around, but we have been doing some serious physical therapy to try and better her leg.

so here is the frustration.... i could not bring her to the vet for a week when she was sick, because the whole country shuts down for a holiday. also, what i thought was a good vet ended up doing some serious damage (possible permenant) to my dog.

times like this is when i ask myself, what the hell am i doing here anyways? i feel very frustrated about the entire situation.

pero, asi es la vida, ¿no?

female leader del puesto de salud
mariella, my mam teacher and amiga
women on foot loom in our organzation's weaving center

my patio more than slightly disorganized
amalia, my "chit" (puppy in mam) and me
hatching pollitos
papa taller
view from my road

gender bender...

right now i am sitting in a computer lab in antigua next to posada ruiz, the hostal i'm staying at for a whopping 25 Q a night (about $3.25). i came here to have a reunion of GAD, Peace Corps´Gender and Development committee. i, along with another woman, will be editting the "gender bender", the quarterly publication published by the organization.

this issue is supposed to be on dating in guatemala. hmmm.

i can see why for many peace corps volunteers, especially women, it would be difficult to overcome the cultural barriers between sexes here. Guatemala is a much more traditional culture and many female volunteers may have qualms about fulfilling some of the more customary aspects of women
's familial roles. still, there are many volunteers that have successful relationships with HCN (host country nationals).


side note.

last week i practically tripped over a former volunteers exboyfriend. he was passed out in the middle of the street at 3:00 on a tuesday afternoon. ive heard a few women say how he is one of the better men in our community. i have yet to see any of his more redeeming qualities.

the town in live in has a serious drinking problem (52% of my towns population, including children, are affected by alcoholism). the majority of those who suffer from alcoholism are men. according to my boss there are more cantinas (bars) than panaderias (bakeries). what do you do as a full grown adult unable to provide for your family? how does one over come the monotomny of living in this remote place? it is a hard reality. with this serious drinking problem comes other issues such as domestic violence. it is the poorest community in guatemala and many of its challenges, including alcoholism, are symptoms of this wide spread poverty. if you walk by alcoholics anonynous on a wednesday evening it's just as lively and raucous as an evangelical church. whether this community´s poverty is a result of or a cause of of social issues is a matter of debate. honestly, i am not really sure if it matters either way.

despite challenges faced by people here i have met a lot of amazing men, most of whom work with my organization. one of the men on our board of directors has made it his life´s work to serve his community and neighbors. he has received little formal education, but his expertise in animal care is amazing. another male promoter wakes up before sunrise to ride his bike to neighboring communities often ignored by NGO's because they are inaccessible by car. he works tirelessly and exudes compassion.

one of the goals of the organization i am working with is actually to make it more of a familial based network, and less concentrated on solely women. i have mixed feelings about this shift in focus, because i see women´s involvement as one of our greatest strengths although i do see the necessity to make it more inclusive.

men dominate the public sector. the local government is a sea of men's faces, and women are constantly denied access to these more influential public domains. our organization gives women the opportunity to be leaders and promoters. i have several friends who work in local municipalitys´offices and constantly deal with gender issues. it is something that wares on them day in and out and they along with Guatemalans in the public arena sharing the same sentement fight tirelessly to try and even the field.

i am not sure how my experience would differ if i was a male volunteer serving here. it is hard to say. maybe women in the community's i work with are more open and comfortable with me and this is certainly a great advantage.

i work in development.

yesterday my friend Juanita asked if i would go to a community to take some pictures of "abaniles" (stone masons), and a specific type of chicken our organization is working with.

sure, no problem.

i have visited jicaro a couple of times in the past so i had a general idea how to get there. somewhere along the say all the paths began to look the same and it became apparent that i was lost. i asked a woman along the route for directions.

you just go "mas alla" - more over there.

not exactly the response i was hoping for.

somehow what started as a path ended up being a cornfield on top of a small-mountain/large-hill. as i tried to edge my way out a pack of dogs came up with teeth gleaming. i had apparently crossed into their territory. i grabbed the closest rock in the process throwing my mayan language notebook in the air creating a rain of papers.

at some point during my panicked ungraceful retreat the owner of the dogs came out of her adobe house and they quickly subsided. wooooh. i gathered my papers feeling more than a little grateful, my heart still racing.

i got directions and was on my way.

i arrived at reina's house camera in hand. it turns out that one of the group member´s husbands died from drinking. the women were out gathering flowers. in addition no abanil´s were out working because it was "el dia del cariño" (i.e. valentine´s day). also, all the women had sold the chicken´s our organization had distributed in favor of the local "criollo" breed.

hmmm.

i have luckily learned a good deal of patience through traveling and living in latin america. the truth is as much as it would be great if things came together easily and people showed up on time here, i'm adjusting to the pace of life. if people are an hour late showing up, do i really have any pressing appointments later on in the day?

probably not.

these sort of inbetween times is when i get to get to know people and that is a big part of being here. i dont have these very clear goals in my mind as maybe i had in the past. more a sense of and a hope of an upward moving trajectory. as long as i am moving in the right direction, and i am making progress, however small, i make peace with it.

after my chaotic trip there i tried to take advantage of the time snapping photos of the comunity and a couple of chickens, and "chompipes" (turkeys).

so where is the progress in a seemingly wasted trip like this? i´ve got to find something to salvage from a "lost" morning.... next week i'm going to stop by the women's weekly meeting to introduce myself and hopefully i will be able to work with them.


...i work in development.

...mi horario

a daily routine is becoming a distant memory with each passing day here. there is no daily schedule as it existed in the united states. for instance right now i am getting ready for an incoming group of canadian dentists, trying to learn as much as i can about "papas" (potatoes) before helping with a "taller" (workshop) next week, and getting ready for a spay and neutering clinic for dogs and cats (a fellow volunteer suggested we may want to do the same for a few men in the community...).

also, i´m excited to begin corresponding with my friend, "Mrs. Sosnowski"´s, spanish class back in little rhody. i remember not enjoying spanish in high school. it seemed all about memorizing vocab and learning grammar. blah. it wasn´t until i got to travel that the material came to life.

language is a medium for reaching a culture. somethings simply do not translate from spanish to english (or english to spanish) and herein lies the beauty. using language here is how i learn what people value, think, feel, and do here. it is a way of gaining "confianza". i hope that having correspondence with someone actually living in a country where spanish is spoken (along with 21 mayan languages and garifuna) will help to bring the material to life to students.

so it is not so blah.

i have a new puppy and her name is amalia! apparently this is also the name of a woman on our board of directors who is not too happy to have a "chucha" (street dog) named after her. this may be the closest my parents get to grandchildren for a while...

the first three months...

are the hardest. that is what we were told repeatedly during training. still getting a hold on things in site, but it is beginning to feel like home. i´ve had the chance to give a couple of "charlas" with groups here, mainly consisting of classes on nutrition. it isnt planting season here til April-May so a lot of people havent planted family gardens yet.

what i have learned is that i should not attempt to cook here. the first reunion i had with a group i attempted to make banana bread while the women taught me how to make a diet staple here, tamales. while working on the tamales, one woman tapped me lightly on the shoulder and whispered that my bread was on fire. not the best manner of inroduction.

yesterday i had a reunion with a different group that had asked me to teach how to make an egg torte (spanish tortilla-omlett). their set up was cooking over an open flame. the smoke was intense and yet again i burnt the meal. i definetely understand why we are doing the stove project here. many women cook over open flames inside. they, along with their children receive the affects of daily smoke inhilation and i cant imagine what their lungs look like. hence the prevelancy of respiratory disease in rural areas of guatemala.

afterwards we made some better looking egg omlettes, and i gave a little talk on nutrition. the cooking fiascos have been more than a little embarassing, but i have learned a valuable lesson: i should stay away from food unless it is growing in the ground.

na'b'l...

i have spent a lot of time just trying to get acclimated. learning mam (the local language) is not a luxury, but a necessity for daily communication with women in rural areas. more than anything it is a very isolating feeling to be surrounded by people and not have a clue what they are saying. i will definetely return to the states with a deeper sensitivity for refugee and immigrant populations (whether legal or not) and their struggles with cultural and lingual acquisition. last week i started mayan language classes with Mariella, a woman from our organization. i cant believe she is only 22 years old. she is widowed (her husband walked off a cliff while intoxicated), the mother of two children, and has the maturity of someone double her age.

mam is not easy.

tquqbil q'aq' .... that's how you say stove.

for the most part, i have been enjoying things. life is decidedly "tranquilo" and i'm enjoying the slower pace. the volunteers had an ugly christmas sweater party last week, i got to have oreos and fresh milk yesterday (my first glass since august!), i hike to work, and i'm going to a birthday party this weekend. also i may be getting a puppy very soon. hopefully he-she gets along well with my cat.